Now, I'd like to express my complete and utter happiness with life at this very moment...a rather odd realization as I am at Barnes & Noble waiting for my car to be fixed for which I must walk about 2 miles to collect and pay for in a few hours. But you know what? despite my hangover and numb-tummy ulcer feeling...it is today, a beautiful day, and it is a year in which I have incredibly entertaining and reliable friends who don't mind scooping me up before their rehearsal to drop me off at said B&N, so that I did not have to walk AND where I can write this blog using free wireless internet. (a service I always feel criminal for using, like just waiting for someone to come up and catch me...with consequences)
So yes, happiness...it is the freedom with which I feel uninhibited. It is the realization of comfort in my skin. when I woke up on the bathroom floor to my roommate knocking on the bathroom door somewhere close to 1 in the morning...I did not expect today to be this rewarding. Perhaps that is why it is that much more exciting to find this real euphoria I am floating in right now.
To live in a moment where I can get a call from one of the most treasured, talented people in my life currently, interrupting the latest episode of 30 Rock, pick it up and discuss the liklihood of our theater company selling 6 performances, and then rap on new projects and ideas and inspirations that make us different than anything we see happening in theater in this town...eternal bliss.
How did I get so lucky? And to top it all off...I get to do a show tonight! I'm working...in the theater. With amazing people. It's just ridiculous. I want everyone in the world to know this feeling of fulfillment. Everyone should be able to pursue the life and career they really want...not what the media tells us we should...money, fame, all of that bullshit...but the real deal, soul satisfying life and passions that make this journey on earth count to the fullest. Exhaust life!
Pronoia is right. the universe IS conspiring for me. for my well being and even beyond that...for my eternal bliss. the good is infinitely more interesting than the bad. it's all true.
so, thank you. thank you. light and love shooting out of every surface on my person and every glimmer of something hanging in the universe just for me. and for you. and for everyone who hasn't found it yet...yet. because it is out there for everyone, I believe...you must embrace what you want, visualize it...and know it is out there.
being gay isn't a reason to kill yourself...it's a reason to love, it's a reason to be brave enough to host true love. we need to fill our children with strength and a hunger for life so big they couldn't possibly conceive of destroying it. suicide is selfish. it is sad, but it is selfish...how dare you think there isn't anything left for you in this world. How can you not see the millions, billions of people making it work? And shame on those people around you for perpetuating the hate and judgment and ignorance that blinded you to the joy and acceptance that I see everyday in the world. I wish I could corral all of these youths and just give them a hug. just wrap my arms around these little freaks and squeeze the love they've lost back into them...because people ARE inherently good.
well that turned into something, huh? sheesh. well I gotta go, my battery is dying...but, I had to write something to commemorate this feeling of bliss today. and there it was...with a little mention to gay teen suicide. it stems from love...you can't stop it...and to quote a rather enigmatic fellow- "I can't keep it in" -Cat Stevens
and with that, I leave you. seize the day, mother fuckers.
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