Love.

yeah...I'm gonna go ahead a take a stab at it. the age-old question.

first off, an ex of mine was telling me that autumn can bring up feelings of nostalgia and lonliness, she seemed hesitant to suggest that as the source of my feelings when I called her, only because I live in Florida where a physical autumn does not exist necessarily. But I assured her that may be the reason...

Autumn. Fall. Change.

Love. been in it. been out of it. have it for myself, and for people in general. identifies what compliments me..."i love this, i love that..." try to live for it.

I could sit here and list off the spectrum of what "love" could mean for any reason or another...but I think we all get the general concept of love. I hope so, at least. It's pretty great, you should try it...damn! I've arrived at my point so early!

try it. try on some love. it's about as attainable as an originally priced dress at Anthropologie. for me. you make your own analogy...point is: love finds you.

you can't go out and search for it. that's why I really don't subscribe to dating. why? am I starting a collection of slightly attractive, unimpressive, "if I had to..." people? which begs the question... "do I need love?" now, clearly that's ridiculous.

countless studies have shown that love is vital to the mental and sometimes physical health of an animal, any animal...without it, especially at a young age, you can develop severe trust and abandonment issues, misplaced anger and fear. I was loved. I am loved. but I'm beginning to think the love I have for myself isn't leaving room for love from another.

Where's the balance you know? you live in a city that isn't known for a high population of the kinds of people who would turn my eye, you're constantly unimpressed with the people it does have, and you, subsequently, do not seem to be in high demand either. what choice do you have for companionship...awesome friends? check. pet? check, until the universe steals her from you. divert your inentions toward furthuring your career? CHECK.

so, now I'm left with a fairly successful career, great friends, a Walnut-shaped hole in my heart, and SO MUCH LOVE...for myself. :\

they say no one can love you until you love yourself...well? I feel like I constantly have something in abundance, except for what I want to have. something that all ppl should have, but most tragically do not, but I do...I have that, but I don't have another's love. and I'm fairly certain only 1 person has ever truly loved me. but as irony has it...that person was the one who hurt me most.

but I'm thinking at this point, I'll take the hurt with the love than no love at all...at least I'll remember how to feel.

Wow, that was very pathetic and girly of me. little bitter too. Ah well, silly feelings...