Success: Part 1

What does success mean?

I once got a fortune cookie that said:

"You will have setbacks early in life."

and only a few months ago, I had considered myself still in the "early" part of my life this very wise, manufactured oracle refers to. But lately I've been getting a feeling that implies maybe the setbacks have ceased?

And I don't know which is more terrifying...

Because I know how to navigate in the world in which I am an underdog. And there's something strangely comfortable about that world...I trust myself in that world, I know myself in that world.

ha, huh...I wrote that world.

Am I writing this, what's happening in this new world? Is this me? Is this all of my childhood dreams and aspirations bubbling up without my conscious knowledge? Am I a victim of my own determination?

They told me I could be whatever I wanted...to dream big, reach for the moon, at least you'll fall on the stars...and I did, and I love dreaming it may be all I do. And it's fun. But...am I catching up to my dreams? Is this the time I start taking responsibility for them?

I want to be good. I believe, truly, everyone does. And I can honestly say, I like myself. Not in all fields, but generally...I have a general love of self, yes.

And yoga, among other spiritual theories teaches us that we are nothing. That this body is nothing, a shell, it doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things. This life is one of many my soul will occupy. Um...is that frightening to anyone else??

This is all I know, and I'm working really hard on making this one count, and shit has happened in this life that for better or for worse makes me who I am. Fucked up shit. And I still want to be good, and love, and spread my beauty all over the earth. (ok, hippie...)

But seriously...the rate at which technology has advanced in the last 10 years alone has changed the manual of operations for every soul-occupying shell nothingness on earth. I would consider myself to be working with an older print, a discontinued way of life...

Let's say recycled, rather...and the thought of garnering success working with an out of print model on the same grid plotted out for the newest of models terrifies me of what lies ahead...I crave the same success I fear.

I. crave. (fear.) the. same. success. I. fear. (crave.)

huh. CHANGE...it's that time again, folks...and just in time for Halloween! Scurrrrrry!

Fuck, man. Is this gonna happen every time I have to wake up early? Or maybe I shouldn't watch things like that new ABC show My Generation right before I go to bed...nothing really keeps you awake like a good self-reflection...eh?

As titled: this is part 1...success, like people, comes in many shapes and sizes. And judging by my own measurements, I predict a plethora of wee ones...

Let's see if I can entertain them with a fit and healthy home...or shell of nothing.