restraint...

Why do we feel the absolute NEED to hold back?

Why is there really no such thing as absolute truth?

It seems as though we are all afraid. Afraid of our potential...potential to succeed. Potential to fail. Potential to...love.

I don't know. I think its stupid. Always have. But, I've found myself "growing-up" and understanding the concept, which scares me. And now implementing these restrained responses to people I feel so inclined to shower with sparkles and gumdrop-feelings!

But I can't, not if I want to keep them around? Does that make sense? I'm confused...are sparkles and gumdrops a bad thing?

I suppose they can get itchy and sticky, respectively, if accompanied with a lack of sincerity...but I guess the real issue at hand is honesty.

Sure we all know where and when complete honesty is called for, and when it is not. Again...process of life, I guess...but wouldn't we all be happier...in the end, knowing everyone's intention?

Well, now that I think about it...that could be scary. :/

But, okay...I just think we should stop living for the ppl around us and start living for ourselves. Rather than restraint as a precaution to our feelings, how about an obsession with forgiveness? That way we could all indulge our initial instinctive feelings, and I'm talking love and positive things not like...murder, sickos. :|

Because I think we've guilted ourselves into a fear of love as well as our inherent fear of hate. Well, some clearly embrace their hate...spot of tea, anyone?

Idk. Its all fucking complicated I guess...its just...restraint. ugh. What a vile word. I bet it wears a wool suit. And sock-suspenders. And it's itchy when you hug it...IF it lets you get that close...

Don't be afraid to express yourselves...it just puts a damper on the entire emotional spectrum that SHOULD compare to the northern lights and rainbows, but we've only let fade behind the backseat of our cars by the sun.

Fuck it. My inhibitions are riding shotgun, right next to my heart...on my sleeve.

Peace & love.

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adventure...

Well folks, as we all embark on yet another new year and all the change that comes with the growth and process of life on this green-ish earth of ours...(yes, ours. Because...you break it, you bought it, right?)

The Libra I am, and I am and always will be, once again finds herself imbalanced and uncomfortable, uncertain of the things that lie ahead but all the while distracting herself with plans of upward momentum and relocation beyond her financial means at the present moment.

Ever the optimist, I trust my instinct, and trust the care and love I've put into the universe to boomerang back and take care of me and my endeavors.

Now, somehow with this uncertainty comes an undeniable bravery...a "when you ain't got nothin', you ain't got nothin' to lose"-attitude. This I am beginning to understand is something I am to embrace.

Adventure. I want it. Risk, travel, following the path of my heart...there once was a time when I knew who I was and I was proud and certain of my actions.

Now, I don't know who I am...and nostalgia makes me question this and think its wrong and want to gain control, but you know what? I hope I never know who I am...

I hope I never have all the answers, I hope the people I meet constantly teach me about myself...I want to surprise myself on a daily basis.

I want to fall in love with everyone and every new experience.

Life is fun, you guys...never know where its gonna take you.

And then you meet someone or some group of ppl who awaken you with confidence in your abilities to do the things you daydreamed about back in an AP English classroom in Tampa, FL some 6 or 7 years ago...and today your puppets are bringing hysterical joy to an audience in Miami, FL on the first birthday of your theatre company. What???

And your name is coming up at poker nights by actors you respect and admire, and you're one month shy of starting rehearsal for a show that will most likely be a milestone experience in your young life...

So, all of that to say...you may feel discouraged, or shortsighted by where you are versus where you want to be...but stop moving for a minute. Look around. And count your achievements...I bet there are a lot more than you initially accounted for. So pat yourself on the back, splash some brisk water on your face and continue on your journey...

In light and love, may our journeys cross and trade lessons as long as our wealth of knowledge, know-how, and discovery allow...

Peace & love.

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beginnings...

Well, first of all...I do not like this font. But let's not start out negatively...it's different. And we should all be open to change. It is how we grow.

So. 2011. That happened.

You know, the "New Year" celebration has never meant so much to me until this year...previously they were just a reason to party, really...and then everything pretty much went back to normal, so a few numbers changed, I still had class at 8am.

But coming off of my first whole year without any real structured, stable regimens...while terrifying at the time, now feels like a badge of honor. Sure, I've developed a very specific anxiety, I am now aware of immediately upon it's sneaky arrival...but I also found kava. And I'm dealing with it.

That might be it. 2010 came with a lot of battles...and I survived. But as I go into the new year I aim to apply the lessons I've learned...and come out with a few less scratches.

There are so many people in my life that were integral to my growth and journey, so many old friends that stuck by, and SO MANY new friends I can't imagine ever having lived without. The support I've been shown by relative strangers, the stake that has been taken in me by so many incredibly talented people, well...it's enough to explode my already love-soaked heart!

I have to take a pause, I'm sorry, to just bask in the possibilities of the year ahead.

I ended 2010 with some rather large risks...and I hope to carry that through...

I will: move to New York. It's just where I gotta be.

That is my resolution. For now...you know..."we never really solve our problems, we just outgrow them." -Or something like that, I saw that somewhere...and it's true.

So here's to growth and a whole new set of challenges! OOOOH! I'm excited.