Well, it's been about 3 months. So, I believe I'm due.
Life has been bitch slapping me in the face. wake up calls and ass beatings a-plenty...people you thought you knew where you stood with, give you a glimpse of their heart, and your shoulder breaks their fall and its a wonderful rebirth of you two in this life. You finally understand and celebrate one another on a plane never occupied by these two bodies. fleeting though. And in my nostalgia, I breakdown.
She's leaving.
And to most of you, my talk of "she" must be romantic. It's not. "She" has taken on a different role in my life. Love? Of course. But there's all kinds of love. More like inspiration, muse, awareness. She's the type of girl people live for. And at one time I compared myself to her, had so much disdain, but now...I'm so unbelievably happy to have her in my life: friend. but. She's leaving.
I started my post with her because, well...it's a huge occurance in my tiny life. it. her. she. life.
Someone told me yesterday, "some people you'll keep your vibe with, and others you haven't seen in years, you won't" this terrified me. My nostalgia feeds directly into my anxiety.
Friendship. Doesn't mean the same to everyone. That's fine. For instance, some may find my devotion to friends a bit more intense than usual. Whatever "usual" means. Bah. I am very picky about the company I keep, and I've got a lotta love to give. So, with fewer numbers and more love, there's a heaping helping of seconds for everyone I consider my friend. Deal with it. There's my peace.
Anyway...I'm moving to San Francisco. There's a split happening, bicoastiality. In a way, I feel like we're being deployed. We've trained, together, we are well versed in our mission, and now...we fight. I'm excited, but also scared, we might lose some. We'll definitely gain some...but my nostalgia will always torment me.
My work. I've somehow stumbled upon a strange comfortability and confidence with my work. Funny, always thought it's what I had. But until I really felt it, I realize...not so much, kiddo. Growing in life. Growing in craft. It all comes down to my journey...I'm always trying to jump the gun, ya dig? but, I've developed a quiet patience...a stroll, if you will, down the path of the moment. Might get bit by a bug, trip over a root, and eat it right where I need to be at that moment. It's something you know, but you've never been aware of. So now you get into this groove, think you're on to something...the color starts to bleed...things get crisp...but what's gonna happen next?
I don't think that way. Anymore. "next?" well...we'll see, won't we? No sense in predicting. That's negativity. and if it's not necessarily negative, maybe it's a good thing, positive...that's naivete.
Live and let live. That's what's exciting about life, the uncertainty of it all. Always learn, never know anything. Because once you define yourself, someone will find something wrong with you. If some people think you know something, they'll try to prove you wrong. So, I amoeba through life, catching feelings for my collection, random clues to a mystery I don't even care to solve. Living in a constant state of curiosity...
live. love. life.
There's no place like me. her. this. it. now.
